Rock Bottom

***graphic warning***

On Tuesday, I injured my back again.  I spent all of Wednesday and Thursday in bed barely being able to move.  Friday, I was able to sit in my chair, but could still barely move.  Now it is Saturday.  I'm still in pain, but I can walk a bit - still too scared to try and go downstairs.  Maybe by tomorrow I can see something other than the second floor of our house.

The pain sucks, but let me explain the real issue, and how I hit rock bottom on Friday afternoon.  

How does a quarter ton man defecate when you can't get out of bed?  You don't.  You don't eat anything to ensure you don't need to.  You drink as absolutely little as possible to ensure you don't have to urinate either.  When I did have to urinate, I had to get in the shower because I couldn't reach due to pain.  I wore underwear only for three days because I couldn't move enough to get more clothes off when I had to urinate.  The underwear my wife had to put on for me because I couldn't even begin to do it myself.  Friday, I had to urinate while home alone, so after getting out of the shower I decided I couldn't do the bed anymore.  I went and sat in my chair, naked, wet (I wasn't mobile enough to dry below my waist), and more alone than I have ever felt in my life.  I cried.  I cried because I knew I was going to die if I didn't change.

So here comes the change.  I ordered a juicer to detox for 10-15 days.  I'm eating fruits and vegetables in mass, and as little red meat and carbs as possible.  Between the diet change and not being able to eat for a few days, I have dropped from 528 lbs to 512 lbs already.  When I do feel hungry, I eat a protein bar and that fixes it.  Once I'm fully mobile again, I will be walking every day.  I'm not going to set unrealistic goals or strict adherences.  I'm just going to change.  I'm going to eat healthier.  I'm going to stay more active.  It seems common sense really.  Feed your body the right fuel and provide the required maintenance or it will break down.

This time there is no try.  Do!  I will not be like this anymore.  I will be the hammer I spoke about years ago when I started this blog.