Scared to death?

Well, I just can’t stand it anymore.  I called my physician today and made an appointment to get a referral for a stress test and a cholesterol test – for peace of mind if nothing else.

I’m really getting serious about this.  I want to work harder, but I’m scared to death I’m going to have a blow out when I least expect it.  I want to run, but walking seems like too much sometimes.

To be frank, it really pisses me off.  I did this to myself.  I watched my dad die, and swore I would never let it happen to me, but yet here I am.  I’m certainly not in as bad shape as he was, but what is the difference?  Dead is dead!

Well, I’m not going to die.  Well, eventually, but I must outlive my wife, just to prove a point if nothing else!  I think I’m stubborn enough to survive that long.  That is if she can keep up with my neurotic ways that long.  Ha!

I also have a dietitian appointment this week.  It has been about two months since my last one.  It has been going reasonably well on the eating habits.  The one I struggle with mostly is lunch.  Now that I am in a new position and my office is in a new facility, it should be easier to pack my lunch most days.

I’m looking forward to learning how to pack a healthy lunch that is filling.  What I usually pack is filling, but it is in no way healthy.  One of my buddies says I’m the only person he knows that brings a cooler for lunch.  At first it was funny to me, now not so much.

Well, I’ll take that as my queue to exit stage left.  I know I’m not very motivational today…just venting a bit I guess.  If you can’t kick yourself occasionally, who is going to do it for you?