Scared to death?

Well, I just can’t stand it anymore.  I called my physician today and made an appointment to get a referral for a stress test and a cholesterol test – for peace of mind if nothing else.

I’m really getting serious about this.  I want to work harder, but I’m scared to death I’m going to have a blow out when I least expect it.  I want to run, but walking seems like too much sometimes.

To be frank, it really pisses me off.  I did this to myself.  I watched my dad die, and swore I would never let it happen to me, but yet here I am.  I’m certainly not in as bad shape as he was, but what is the difference?  Dead is dead!

Well, I’m not going to die.  Well, eventually, but I must outlive my wife, just to prove a point if nothing else!  I think I’m stubborn enough to survive that long.  That is if she can keep up with my neurotic ways that long.  Ha!

I also have a dietitian appointment this week.  It has been about two months since my last one.  It has been going reasonably well on the eating habits.  The one I struggle with mostly is lunch.  Now that I am in a new position and my office is in a new facility, it should be easier to pack my lunch most days.

I’m looking forward to learning how to pack a healthy lunch that is filling.  What I usually pack is filling, but it is in no way healthy.  One of my buddies says I’m the only person he knows that brings a cooler for lunch.  At first it was funny to me, now not so much.

Well, I’ll take that as my queue to exit stage left.  I know I’m not very motivational today…just venting a bit I guess.  If you can’t kick yourself occasionally, who is going to do it for you?

Reality Bites! -21.0/492.2

Okay, so I know blogs are supposed to be written regularly, but I really only feel the urge to write when something is on my mine.

I’ve never really been a hypochondriac.  In fact, I wonder if there is such thing as a “hyper”chondriac?  I’ve always had a high tolerance for pain or sickness.  I like to say I never get sick, but really I just usually work through it.  Nothing is going to keep me down.

In the last few years, I have noticed that I’m sick a little more frequent, and when I do get sick, it takes longer for me to kick it.  I’m not sure if it’s because I am just getting older, or if I am just that much out of shape.  It’s most likely a combination of the two.

I’m still making progress on my weight loss.  I’m officially down 21 pounds, but I know I lost quite a bit before the scale.  I’m guessing it is closer to 30 – perhaps even more.  My clothes don’t fit.  Most folks would say that is good, but I’m too cheap to go buy new clothes all the time.  My pants hit the floor in the stairwell at school the other day.  I just pulled them up and kept walking.  It was kind of funny.

Well, all those things are nice, but the real reason I’m writing this is something that has been on my mind since Sunday.  I was sitting on the couch watching some television, and I got some heartburn.  The problem is at the time I wasn’t sure if it was heartburn.  My mom’s side of the family is plagued with heart attacks in the men, so I started worrying about it.  I worried to the point that I made sure to keep my phone nearby.  I wanted to be able to make two calls in the event of an emergency – 911 and my wife.  So after the heartburn passed (God bless Tums!), I realized that as if I didn’t have enough motivation before, now I realize I need to worry about a heart attack too.

Here is what I took from all this.  When your motivation seems to wane a bit, reality has a way of smacking the bejesus out of you, and reminding you what you are supposed to be doing.  I really only need a nudge though.  Assault and battery is not required!  I have too many things to live for; wife, son, family, friends...perhaps most important though is for me.

Don’t be too busy!  Where there is a will, there is a way!  Find it!